I was standing waiting for my race and I was nervous. I could smell my burning feet roasting on the hot concrete. We walk to the starting line, I get ready and I hear the starters beep.
The water was freezing so I raced to the end so I could get out in a hurry. Splashing was all I could hear. I could hear the sound of people motoring away as I go to take a breath. I see one person behind me then I hit the end. I came 5th. Not bad for my first event.
I go and sit down and eat my delicious lunch. I watch my buddy Hamish skimming through the water. He got first. I am happy for him. He was drenched and exhausted.
I go to my backstroke race and as we get ready I see the shimmering water. The starters beep goes my heart beating with excitement. The surface of the water splashing at me it was intense, the pressure was on. We hit the end I came 3rd I was happy. Then later Bradley came over from a race and gave me and jamie a big wet cold hug. The races were over after that.
The water was freezing so I raced to the end so I could get out in a hurry. Splashing was all I could hear. I could hear the sound of people motoring away as I go to take a breath. I see one person behind me then I hit the end. I came 5th. Not bad for my first event.
I go and sit down and eat my delicious lunch. I watch my buddy Hamish skimming through the water. He got first. I am happy for him. He was drenched and exhausted.
I go to my backstroke race and as we get ready I see the shimmering water. The starters beep goes my heart beating with excitement. The surface of the water splashing at me it was intense, the pressure was on. We hit the end I came 3rd I was happy. Then later Bradley came over from a race and gave me and jamie a big wet cold hug. The races were over after that.
Amazing writing Lachlan. Excellent editing and punctuation. Great descriptive writing. We liked the way you have described what you were like at the end of the race- drenched and exhausted. You have used paragraphs well. From Rm 5 Literacy readers. :) :D
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